Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
