Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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