i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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