nut hugger
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
