I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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