We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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