i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
