I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
