the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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