how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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