I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
