no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
