The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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