my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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