you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
