I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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