no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
