her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
