He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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