Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
