So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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