so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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