dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
