I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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