i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
