you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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