She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
