: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
