we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
