We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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