He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
