Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm bleeding and have questions
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
