you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
