my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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