Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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