$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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