Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
