3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
