yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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