Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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