I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
