Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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