all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
