I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
