I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
