I think my fart just growled at me.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
