id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am one with the molecules
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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