I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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