dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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