Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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